The Joey Factory

Finally the world is waking up and realizing how annoying the gossip magazines have been for the past decade. I just read an article from some random website Reel Loop and the headline was shocking: “US Magazine Alliance to Limit Britney Spears Pictures.” It only took nine years for the general public to realize that they are sick of seeing Britney Spears in their grocery stores and local Walmart’s and Target’s. I can tell you growing up during the rise of Britney that at first it was kind of cool to see your favorite person everywhere all the time, as long as they were praising her. But most of the time it was always negative stories that sold more headlines.

A few years ago when I would see nasty headlines about Britney I’d go through the store and flip the magazines over to the back side. It was just starting to make me feel sick that these magazines could not get enough of someone who was having a hard time. In fact some of these magazines should have slogans like, “We’ll make you famous and then we’ll make you die.” Just awful stuff that a person should never have to go through!

I love Britney Spears even though she lip syncs and even though she doesn’t always write her own stuff, there’s just something about her and that’s what makes her special. I’m so happy to hear that magazines are cutting back on Britney stories. There are enough famous people to write about and I think it’s high time they start covering artists who are news worthy only when they are news worthy. Getting a cup of coffee at Starbuck’s is not a news story, it’s a f—ing cup of coffee!

Sending love and happy thoughts to Britney!

Luckily, Oscar de la Renta has gone Walmart with his prescription mens glasses. I needed a new pair because let’s face it, the old ones, were from three prescriptions ago. Let’s just date them 2005. So now I’ve got these sexy ones which I do enjoy for those days when contacts are just unbearable. If you wear contacts 24/7/365 like I do, you totally understand! Here’s a picture I took with my phone earlier today:

Today or yesterday, as in October 20, 2009 was an eventful day. Started the day getting my hair colored, finally have some depth, thanks LNZ! Followed by a trip to Walmart where my glasses had finally arrived after 2 weeks of waiting. Let’s dive into that story a little more, shall we?

So almost two weeks ago I ordered a pair of glasses, which are pictured above. Originally they were suppose to be in last Thursday, however, they forgot to include my prescription. Thus my glasses arrived with plastic lenses that do not improve your eye sight at all. So they had to be ordered a second time with the prescription. I was unaware that people would pay for glasses without prescriptions, well there’s fashion for you.

Back to my day (today or yesterday, which ever you prefer). As I picked up my glasses I thought it would be wise to also order another set of contacts. Well of course that was no easy task, because my old doctor’s writing is undecipherable, isn’t that a requirement for a doctor? Anyway they had to call him and I left to tour our furniture store and hang out with Danny for awhile. When I returned, an hour later, they had deciphered the hieroglyphics.

I had asked the eye technician or whatever you call them, why I had one box of Acuvue Advance for Astigmatism and one box of Acuvue Oasys from my last set I had ordered. Apparently the person who ordered them 6 months ago had made a mistake or “checked the wrong box.” But I am suppose to be wearing both Advance and not Oasys. However I had a dispute with this because I know that the Oasys let’s your eyes breathe better and certainly my left eye felt better than the right the last 6 months.

I asked if we could switch to both Oasys and so of course they had to call my previous doctor back again because Dr. Griffin was the one who prescribed this to me. He said no. Of course he would say no because that’s what he does. He also told the technician that they would have to see me first and make sure that the contacts worked okay in my eyes. Well, if I’m not mistaken, for 6 months I wore the contacts just fine in my left eye. I didn’t get why I had to see a doctor to be given the “ok” for something so minute. Then I suggested to the technician if he could ask Dr. Wilson (my new doctor) if it’d be ok if I switch…

Dr. Wilson also said I would have to make an appointment to see him to get the go ahead: so I could wear something better, more breathable for my eyes. God forbid my eyes get oxygen free of charge. I would be charged a sitting fee of $30 to let Dr. Wilson stare into my pupils and check my sight with the same prescription (but with just better, more breathable, light weight contacts). So I asked when could the doctor see me and I was told I’d have to wait another half hour. I had already spent a total of 2 hours living in the land of the Walmart Vision Center. So I said forget it and decided, screw them, I’ll deal with another 6 months with the “ok but not great contacts.”

And there went my day!

I thought after my last post, we’d lighten things up a bit. I will, however start with, yes I met my biological mother, and it wasn’t a traumatic experience. It’s cool to have met her, and we’ll see where we go from here. And now on to videos…

And now I must finish reading this book, I’ve got less than 100 pages!

p.s. Have you seen my new coat? I bought it at Target. No sightings of Target Boy. Did I make him disappear? I hope so, lol! It’s not completely identical, but if you want identical you’ll be paying shit loads of money on eBay!

IF YOU LIKED THIS BLOG, FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER Joey Broyles.

My beef w/ Perez Hilton continues. He has convinced me that you should never be his friend if you are a celebrity, because he writes about you no matter how close you are. I’m sure in the case of Britney Spears and Perez they aren’t the closest of friends but still. Britney goes out of her way to invite this boy into her world and for him to do some sort of an intro for her show.

Well that’s fine and dandy but Britney keep your walls and armor up when it comes to this fuck nut! Look what I found from Perez’s recent post:

He is so totally obnoxious that it is honestly addictive. He really is a the gay stereotype. He’s such an old maid and he enjoys the pain of others. I don’t knock his positive comments, but they are few and far between. Most of the positive things he will say are for personal idols, hot boys, and people he wants to slither around.

The rest of Hollywood, as always, is fair game. In my opinion that makes Perez Hilton fair game. So that is why I’ve created my own campaign: I WANNA PUNCH PEREZ HILTON CAMPAIGN, t-shirts and other merchandise to follow.

And this video:

There will be no Perez reigning on this parade!

-Queen Bitch

I have received my first letter in response to what is and what is not appropriate content on CafePress.com!

From Margene a Content Usage Associate:
____________________
Thank you for contacting CafePress.com!

As you may know, CafePress provides an automated service to a rich and vibrant community of international users. Unfortunately, because our service is automated, sometimes content that is not consistent with our Content Usage Policy is posted on CafePress. Another reason why the images in question may be up for sale is because certain shopkeepers have obtained authorization for the use of certain designs and we also host official shops and portals (such as Dexter, Twilight, American Idol, L Word, The Office and so on). The use of elected officials such as Obama, Bush or anyone else that serves in the office was never prohibited on our site. We appreciate that you have brought this content to our attention and we will look into it.

For more information please review our Content Usage Policy (http://www.cafepress.com/cp/info/help/law.aspx), which is an accurate measure of what you can and cannot do through the CafePress service.

Your ticket code is LTK419066508638X. Please use this code in any further communication.

Best Regards,

Margene H.
Content Usage Associate
(650) 655-3104 (O)
(650) 240-0260 (F)
www.cafepress.com

Disclaimer: The information contained in this email is provided solely for informational purposes
and does not constitute legal advice. CafePress.com is not a law firm and is not a substitute for an
attorney. If you require legal advice, please consult an attorney who is authorized to practice law
in your jurisdiction.
_________________
That’s very nice and dandy. But I enjoy how some things were still ignored or simply set aside. So I have written them another email:
______________________
LTK419066508638X

Attention Content Usage Team,

I appreciate your explanation and clarification about some of these images in question. It just seemed a bit strange and I wanted to make sure that you were aware. It’s good to know that these portals have obtained authorization of certain images.

It’s nice to know also that elected officials such as George Bush and Obama are fair game in the t-shirt design world.

I do however want a real response as to why I am not allowed to sell Image #34755926 on a t-shirt. After reviewing you content usage policy I do believe that my image is in the clear. I assure you that it is a computer drawing and not a photograph. I have a few questions I’d like answered below:

What needs to be changed on the design in order for it to be sold on CafePress.com?

Is there a process of reviewing my design? What is this process?(ie is there a board or person that decides yes or no)

Now that I’ve brought some of these other questionable images such as Chuck Norris, Adam Lambert, etc. Will there be swift action in taking these down? (Because I don’t believe anyone other than Adam and Chuck have the authorization, as it were, to sell these items.) I Heart Adam Lambert

Can you send me an official email letting me know if my design has been approved or not?

Thanks to Margene and the Content Usage Team for a speedy response regarding my questions and concerns about Content on CafePress.com.

I look forward to your response.

Sincerely,
Joey Broyles
www.cafepress.com/j17productions
___________________
Perhaps I should let go of the issue? Hell no! In fact until these two images are taken down from CafePress.com I’m going to continue to mention it to them! If I cannot put up a ‘political cartoon’ of Perez than neither can the CafePress Store Owner ‘Chuck For Huck.’ It’s only fair. I have a feeling that they probably won’t take down either of these images, but they can prevent mine from altogether not going up.

It’s a little bit more than “our service is automated, sometimes content that is not consistent with our Content Usage Policy.” It’s more like we caught you, but these other two, are grandfathered in and we are not going to take the time to take them down. Nonetheless I patiently await their next reply!

Stay tuned for our hopeful conclusion of Joey Gets The Curb!

As a man I must forewarn the male sex of this new found problem: Speed Stick 24/7 Non-Stop Protection Deodorant now guarantees leaving white marks on all of you dark color shirts! Now let me give you a brief history of deodorant.

The Dawn of Deodorant: Ew look at my shirt! It now has a permanent stain of white on it. And my arm pits are filled with white flakes, not from my skin. And look honey there’s a pit stain, too!

A Few Eons Later: Introducing clear gel deodorant. It goes on clear to, keep you ultra clear. But the white stuff is still better. Well I guess I better start wearing only white t-shirts.

Finally A Solution: Blue deodorant, green deodorant, etc! Works like the white stuff, but with all the lightness of the gel, and offers 24 hour protection with great scents such as Ocean Fresh and Momentum.

Present Day Issues Inspired by THE RECESSION?

Present Day: When you to Walmart to buy your Speed Stick 24/7 Ocean Fresh… Guess what happens when you bring it home? Introducing our classic white deodorant with all the woes and depressions that go along with wearing clothes.

Now when I go to Walmart, Target, and other local stores I pop the cap off of each deodorant to make sure I get what I want. However there is more sad news. The Speed Stick deodorant is mostly being stocked these days with the white stuff. What the fuck? So like a person who grew up during the depression… Damn right, I buy a few extra sticks!

Now readers you may be asking yourself, “Why doesn’t he just switch to another brand?”

It took me years to find the right deodorant first off. And let give you a list of just a few deodorants that are available in this day and age:

•Axe Aerosol Spray or Stick
•Mitchum
•Old Spice (Smells Like Old Spice)
•Brut
•Dove (For you very girly men)
•Sure
•Right Guard
•Speed Stick
•Teen Spirit
•And other knock-off brands

Now I use to use Axe put I had to spray myself two or three times a day because I can really sweat with the best of them. Mitchum? I don’t even wanna go there. Old Spice is nice if you like smelling like Old Spice. Brut smells like my father and he’s the last thing I want to be thinking about when I’m having sex. And some of the others I have tried and I know that Speed Stick works best for me.

Unfortunately we live in a world where things are ever changing and some companies don’t last your whole life. So rather than being a grouchy crotchety old man, I must accept change when it comes. It’s a shame because now I’ll have to throw out so many dark t-shirts. Of course their is one alternative I could cut all sleeves off my shirts and really bulk up like a Chip N Dale Dancer.

Dear Mr. Walt Disney from Beyond The Grave,

When I was a little boy as far as I was concerned the only person cooler than my father was you. You brought many of my favorite characters to life including Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and Mary Poppins. I do not know what my childhood would’ve been like without that escapism. I’m pretty sure that you were magical and always will be magical. But I’d like to let you know that everyone and their mother has turned your name into something, that is not you.

Before I go any further with this letter, that I hope reaches you from beyond the grave, I’m aware of the consequences of being blasphemous towards your company name. And I do know that if I ever become famous or a public figure I will be forever banned from promoting your wonderful company. But I must say this to you sir: What the hell have they done to you?

First of all your plan has gone awry and these people are charging ridiculous prices to visit your parks alone. I know that you would want every boy and every girl of all ages to be able to come to your parks and experience your magic, but some people simply cannot. Instead they will settle for amateur parks like Six Flags Great America and near by theme parks that also charge too much. Haven’t they made enough off of Miley Cyrus alone? I mean she’s everywhere and I know your company owns her. Let’s not forget the Disney Resort Hotel, Disney Store, Disney Channel, Disney Records, and ABC. The only company that may be bigger than your company is Yahoo! so you guys are not exactly hurting for money.

Here’s a screen shot Mr. Disney of what they charge two adults to see your amazing park in Florida for two days. I have never been there, but have always wanted to. I have however have been to Disneyland in California and those are my favorite childhood memories ever! I met Mickey Mouse and that was huge to a 10 year old.

Here’s what it cost for one child and one adult for two days:

This does not include parking. This does not include the Disney Gourmet food. This is only for the Magic Kingdom. Please Walt stop rolling in your grave, I know, I know! This is absolute sin. But don’t worry it’s not only your company that has become corrupt…

Let’s talk about a 2,000 year old business called Christianity they’ve been selling out their savior since the day somebody nailed him up on that awful cross. “Get your cup of Christ blood herre! Only $19.95, it will save you!” Talk about being blasphemous! Maybe this has never been said but I think the Christians and your company should take some notes, “Love your God! Don’t sell out your God!” Have you seen this site: The Holy Land Experience, in Orlando, FL.

Oh it gets worse Mr. Disney, or can I just call you Walt? They have this imaginary thing called THE VAULT, where they lock up old classic movies and keep them there and apparently you are also frozen inside the vault as well. Meanwhile you have people on eBay fighting over 2 DISC DVD Platinum Editions of Beauty and the Beast, ending bids at $50.00! Or you can wait 10 years and hope they’ll re-release it for a limited time. Don’t worry Walt they know about your company but very few know who you are. You’ve become like Christmas for Hallmark, it’s not about the birth of you, it’s about Santa Claus and presents.

One thing that stays pure in all our hearts is Mickey Mouse. He’s doing pretty good these days, aside from silly people trying to make his 2D appearance a 3D. Mickey looks best the way you created him. Mickey Mouse is definitely your legacy and by the way VH1′s 200 Greatest Pop Culture Icons, named him number one! Go Mickey!

Your films have changed as well. They have things called High School Musical, which try to be wholesome but sells sex at the same time under our very noses! And we won’t even get started with the Jonas Brothers, another secret sex seller! Tsk! I fear if they make another Mickey Mouse Club it will completely destroy your image.

There hasn’t been an Animated 2D musical Disney movie in over a decade! Seriously that is what you were known for and they have been too busy with computer technology movie companies like Pixar to make a musical. Luckily someone at the helm of your company has decided to go back to this idea with The Princess and the Frog, coming out later this fall. It’s nice to know that not everyone has forgotten who you were. That 2D Animation and the frame by frame hand drawn artistry really was your signature. And no computer can ever touch that.

Other tid bits you may need to know:

You’ve been on Broadway several times. People love you on Broadway, that’s where your classic style has survived, aside from the animation.

You have your own fleet of Disney Cruise Lines!

Your parks are all over the world, hence you’d think they’d be cheaper just like Walmart.

And if you were still alive you’d be supreme ruler of the world!

Well on a side note I’d like to personally thank you for turning Lewis Carroll’s Alice In Wonderland into my favorite movie of all time! Please Walt come back and stop your company from teasing dreamers who still wish upon a star and just want to see Disney World. Help me Mr. Walt Disney, you’re our only hope!

When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you

If your heart is in your dream

No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do

Fate is kind
She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longing

Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true

So I’m totally in love with these outfits I just created on Photoshop. Obviously the T-shirts are designed by me and are available on my store, but the whole outfits are amazing. In fact these would be my fashion recommendations for all boys! Please disregard that these beautiful models do not have arms nor heads, lol.

This first outfit is obviously my personal style personified! POP STAR.In my heart I am a Pop Star and I always have loved this style. Something great to wear when you go out or to shoot a music video in. Wink! I was amazed to find these jeans online, because they look just like my old ones! Advice: Never throw away your bleach jeans, ever! I think I’ll make a new pair.

The Casual Defiance Style. Looks like you are just in an every day outfit but, then of course, you have your thought provoking t-shirt on. Below The Influence. Honestly I designed this t-shirt specifically for those damn commercials, “ABOVE THE INFLUENCE.” Those commercials annoy the hell out of me. First off the commercial categorizes drug addicts as minorities, and then it has the audacity to brainwash you as well. I’m not a drug user, smoker, or drinker but give me a fucking break. I’m Below The Influence, not above, I support my druggies and Abby Normals.

And lastly Vintage Chic Style. The Alphabet Pony T-shirt may be a new design, but the whole feel of the outfit is definitely vintage. Skater like shoes, baggy jeans, and a charcoal t-shirt with a design that resembles vintage company logos. And it’s of course it’s chic because I designed it!

In other news look at Britney Spears’ shoes:

Aren’t they amazing? Yes!

Well my shows are all coming to an end this week and next… Grey’s Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, Gossip Girl, and 90210. When the shows are over, it’s time for summer! Yay!

Today I also worked on a top secret project which only a few people have known about. It’s a special song that I plan to do the triple threat with: song on iTunes, video on YouTube, and if you’re lucky, REMIX! All I will tell you is that I have made lots of progress with this song today. I’ve got the vocal tracks all layed out, as well as the basic melody, and even a beat! I have my new iDrum program to thank for that. Seriously beats come easier when I can just create patterns with a program. I admit that beats are my weakness, but I will no doubt continue to work on them. Oh one more thing the song is called IF U LUV ME. That’s all I’m giving. Those of you on the inside with recording experience may see my songs before others, but it’s cause I’ll need input!

Do you like my new Facebook profile picture? You don’t? That’s okay you don’t have to like the Queen. You just have to deal with the facts that you are living in denial. Nah. I’m not that superficial. I’m going to show you my top five favorite t-shirt designs I’ve created and tell you a bit about each of them.

Let’s start with GLAMOROUS!

When I first bought the Fergie cd I was totally excited for her song Glamorous. I believe it embodies how every artist should feel about their fame. It’s really great and amazing to be famous, but “I still go to Taco Bell, Drive thru raw as hell.” I had a vision when I heard this song of velvet ropes and the celebrities are behind the rope or bouncer who’s holding a sign Glamorous. I took photos of each of my friends and myself and then put them through several effects in Photoshop and then ended up with the look. (From left to right Kelly, Jackie, Me, Danny, and Lnz)

The Sponge of Love

This design was created back in early February 2004. What can I say? Love was in the air. I was talking online with Danny and our friend Matt and listening to Janet Jackson’s Just A Little While. I was incredibly excited for my first Valentine’s Day with Danny and just generally in a super good mood. As I remember Matt was not in a good mood so I suggested he could absorb some of my happiness. He said something to the effect, “Sure. I’ll soak it up like a sponge.” Instantly I thought The Sponge of Love. Of course later The Sponge of Love birthed an arch nemesis called The Sponge of Evil!

Breathe

Now what I love about this design is it sold a whole lot! In one month I sold seven t-shirts for the ladies. So cool. Danny wasn’t ever really interested in this design, which I think is why fate made it sell over and over again. In total, without promotion of my store, I’ve sold 16 items with this design on it. The idea was inspired by all the times that I wished I would’ve just taken a breath and let go of all the bull shit. So this design means a lot to me.

The Undiscovered Collection

There was something amazing about this design. I have never seen anything quite like it and I have Photoshop to thank for it. It originally started as a gift for my aunt denise and then turned into much more. I used some cool effects on Photoshop and then used the air brush tool to apply makeup onto myself. A lot of the times I totally feel undiscovered and wish I’d be undiscovered and that’s pretty much where the title came from and I was listening to a lot of Ashlee Simpson when I made these!

Last but not least. The Shanikwa Shanikwa Show logo.

I’ve put a lot of time, effort, and sweat into Shanikwa Jones. I have created a character who I think is very original and I totally love her. I love the look of the logo because it looks like one of those old cartoons from Warner Brothers. Sort of like Porky the Pig at the end of each cartoon. It just works so well with branding the show. So please if you haven’t watched the show, try it out!

The Shanikwa Shanikwa Show

Completely off the subject I’m totally booked this summer. Here’s the list of
Blockbuster Movies I Must See:
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Star Trek
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Angels & Demons
Terminator: Salvation
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Public Enemies
Chéri

Danny and I already have our tickets for both Wolverine and Star Trek: The Imax Experience(is there anything better?). It’s so sugar!

Finally it has been done. When I am bored or when I am not bored, it doesn’t really matter, I Google Image myself. I like to see myself at the top of the list and well, for a while here I wasn’t! It angered me so much. When I Google: JOEY BROYLES, I expect Joey not Joe Broyles from Ohio who looks like my father as a teenager. Is it possible that my Dad has another kid floating around competing with me on Google Images? Probably not, but the resemblance is a little more than uncanny. Anyways I fixed this problem with posting a bunch of pictures of myself and making damn sure to name them each JoeyBroyles_001.jpg, etc. Here are my results:

I’d like to thank Google for creating a new way for one to be vain. I’m definitely happy with the results and will have to stay on top of this, so it doesn’t happen again. The first three images were all mine and that makes me super happy.

In other news Danny and I had a relaxing Easter Sunday. Sometimes you just need to get away from family and make time for yourselves. So we did just that. We spent time with each other! We slept until 10am and then rolled out of bed. I showered and checked my Facebook and Twitter, such addictions! Then we took off to see Adventureland!

I loved it! It was a great movie set in the 80s. One of the greatest decades to do movies in. In fact I don’t think one understands a decade until it has passed and taken time to age. Decades are like wine, not to be appreciated until after they’ve aged. Never mind that I hate all wine! On with the show, Kristen Stewart and Jesse Eisenberg are beautiful and amazing and it really had everything you wanted in a movie. So now of course I’m dying to have the soundtrack, but more importantly I want a Games T-shirt from Adventureland! I’ll wait a few weeks to see if Target is cool enough to carry such a shirt and if not I’ll be on the internet searching until I find the exact one.

After the movie we went downtown Madison and toured the Capitol ourselves. Just looking at the pretty insides of the marble beauty. We were there until 4, when they close. We then walked State Street just window shopping and getting exercise. We stopped at the Exclusive Company and I totally wanted all the Melrose Place DVDs, but I guess I’ll start asking for those for my birthday and Christmas.

State Street grew tired of us, so we left and went out to eat at Perkin’s. Where I’m pretty sure our waitress forget to suggest pie, which means we could have collected free pie, oh well I was full anyway. Especially with all this Easter candy, everywhere! I bought way too much, oh well, sweet tooth.

When we got home we just sort of chilled and have been doing our own thing. Of course every so often we bug each other with little fun tid bits of information. But you do need space in a relationship, peeps! Anyhow I’ve been editing Shanikwa’s website and now it’s done. Here’s a screen shot of it’s new beauty, which includes an all new bio!

F.Y.I. Gossip Girl fans, the Easter Bunny brought me Edward Cullen pins and Gossip Girl the Board Game! I played against Danny tonight and finally I beat him. Ha! HA! Ha! I feel as giddy as a school girl! That’s right a school girl. Ain’t no shame! Bitch please! Well I’ve got to start working on this Shanikwa song I’m writing, so later!